“Other people are not responsible for your hurt feelings; they are not living by the expectations or standards you have assigned them.”  Ouch, uncomfortable truth.  How rude of this person, my sponsor, to pull me out of my self-pity, disappointment spiral and make me feel better.

What parts of your story do you tip toe around, hide or edit? We all do this to some degree. It may be shame, guilt or fear of being judged that keeps us quiet. Sharing my story including the hardest parts not only helps me heal, but allows me to share hope, show others that recovery is possible and decrease stigma.

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I didn’t embrace these words and live by them until I found recovery. Living in balance with boundaries is possible, but not always easy.  I can’t change people, places or things, no matter how hard I try or might love them.

I didn’t know the word “hypervigilance” when I was four and anxiously looked out my bedroom window at night. My dad was out there, somewhere.  I thought if I watched and wished and prayed, I could make my dad come home. Sometimes it worked. This is where I believe my anxiety began. 

What do I want my life to look like?  What is my vision?  Honestly, most of my life I had no idea.  Life was happening around me and I was there, doing stuff in that life, but I was not truly present or connected.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy.

My 2024 began in peace and serenity on a beach I loved. I researched and wrote out my intentions for the year. I was happy, hopeful, well rested, and spiritually aligned. On January 14, 2024, two days after returning from the beach, the life I thought I had exploded.

My journey to recovery began in 2017.  In looking back, it has been a circular pathway. At times it has felt like a puzzle to untangle the interconnected symptoms, behaviors and mental health challenges.