“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.” I didn’t embrace these words and live by them until I found recovery. Living in balance with boundaries is possible, but not always easy.  I can’t change people, places or things, no matter how hard I try or might love them.

I didn’t know the word “hypervigilance” when I was four and anxiously looked out my bedroom window at night. My dad was out there, somewhere.  I thought if I watched and wished and prayed, I could make my dad come home. Sometimes it worked. This is where I believe my anxiety began. 

Valentines Day has never been my favorite holiday.  Old me thought: this is just a made-up, commercial holiday, right? You “have to” buy flowers, a card, chocolates and go to an over-priced dinner? Failure to do those things means you are a selfish jerk. This negative view doesn’t feel like me anymore. Time to REFRAME Valentines Day for myself. 

What do I want my life to look like?  What is my vision?  Honestly, most of my life I had no idea.  Life was happening around me and I was there, doing stuff in that life, but I was not truly present or connected.  I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy.

My 2024 began in peace and serenity on a beach I loved. I researched and wrote out my intentions for the year. I was happy, hopeful, well rested, and spiritually aligned. On January 14, 2024, two days after returning from the beach, the life I thought I had exploded.

My journey to recovery began in 2017.  In looking back, it has been a circular pathway. At times it has felt like a puzzle to untangle the interconnected symptoms, behaviors and mental health challenges.