How well do you handle your emotional responses? Emotions that seem prolonged, intense or out of proportion to the situation. We all have times when this happens. The question is are you even aware of your emotional responses in real time? How long have you been living with consistent dysregulation?
What about those people that always seem so calm and collected, like nothing is bothering them? It might be they are well-balanced and mindful. I hope so. In my experience it’s more likely dysregulation that is suppressed. Either way … flying off the handle or keeping it inside, it is bad news for your mental health.
We often think of emotional dysregulation in terms of children. Part of growing up and learning to manage emotions takes time. Temper tantrums as a toddler, learning to deal with disappointment, anger, and hurt feelings. How well did your parents teach you these skills? My guess is it’s a mixed bag. Whatever opinions you formed in childhood about your emotions and whatever coping tools you learned (or made up) to manage emotions probably haven’t changed very much.
When you are having the proverbial “bad day” are you able to name what you are feeling in the moment and trace it to the actual issue. If your reasons for your bad day, bad mood, bad attitude are all external (sucky job, unsupportive family or too many things to do) that is just the surface. It’s not the answer. It might be true; two things can be true at the same time. Your job might be horrible, but the way you are responding to the situation is the real problem and that response, those feelings and behaviors are yours and they are causing you pain.
Self-awareness is the best gift you can give yourself. Start simple. Check-in with yourself several times a day to practice. Honestly name the emotions you feel. If this is hard or new for you, use a feelings wheel to find the accurate descriptor for your emotion. It might even be helpful to track what emotions are coming up over the course of a couple of weeks to see if there is a pattern.
Just naming the emotion is often helpful and might bring you clarity on how to regulate yourself. For example, you may know that when you are sad, going for a walk or talking to a friend helps. Once you acknowledge that you are sad and remember what has helped before, then you have choices to move out of the dysregulation.
On the other hand, if you name the emotion but have no idea why it’s happening or what you do with it you will need to do some digging. Can you name other times in the past this feeling has come up? What was the situation? What did you do that helped? What was the outcome?
The truth for me is that everything I need to know about myself to change, heal, cope or manage emotional dysregulation lies within me. This does not mean that I can figure it out by myself alone in my head thinking I have all the answers. It also doesn’t work very well to keep doing the same things over and over again expecting different outcomes.
What helps me the most is to journal, incorporate different grounding techniques in the moment to pause, and then talk to someone that can be objective. If I’m willing to look at things from a different perspective and be honest about what I’m thinking and doing, then I reclaim my freedom to choose differently. A peer support group or seeing a counselor or therapist are all possible avenues to bring about self-awareness and better emotional regulation.
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“In general, emotional dysregulation involves having emotions that are overly intense in comparison to the situation that triggered them. This can mean not being able to calm down, avoiding difficult emotions, or focusing your attention on the negative. Most people with emotional dysregulation also behave in an impulsive manner when their emotions (fear, sadness, or anger) are out of control.
Intense mood swings
Emotional dysregulation can also mean that you have trouble recognizing the emotions you are experiencing when you become upset. It might mean that you feel confused by your emotions, guilty about your feelings, or overwhelmed by them to the point that you can’t make decisions or manage your behavior.” See the full article here from VeryWellMind
