Reframing Valentine’s Day
Valentines Day has never been my favorite holiday. Old me thought: this is just a made-up, commercial holiday, right? You “have to” buy flowers, a card, chocolates and go to an over-priced dinner? Failure to do those things means you are a selfish jerk. If you are single it’s worse, you don’t count. This negative view doesn’t feel like me anymore. Time to REFRAME Valentines Day for myself.
Reframing “is a technique used to shift your mindset so you’re able to look at a situation, person, or relationship from a slightly different perspective. Cognitive reframing is something that you can do at home or anytime you experience distorted thinking.” (Click here to read more about reframing)
I started using reframing in recovery in 2017 to help with my own negative thoughts about myself. It’s been a very useful tool over the years and I use it often. It works for me in all kinds of situations, both big and small. I’m not a glass half-empty type of person at my core, but my old negative thinking patterns that I developed for protection still come up sometimes. Reframing helps me realign.
This year when someone asked me about Valentine’s Day, I said I wasn’t opposed to the idea, I just didn’t like that flowers and dinners are 50% more expensive on the 14th of February. As I shared my “bah hum bug” stance, I realized this was negative thinking and it doesn’t serve me anymore. Feeling annoyed, being critical and turning my nose up at all the Valentine’s decor is not bringing me peace, joy, or contentment. I decided to set aside all my past assumptions and look at this holiday from a different angle.
Valentine’s Day is about Love. Traditionally “romantic love,” but when I hear the word “Love,” I don’t think of just romantic love. I think about how I love my son, my dog, my family, and my friends. I love the beach, coffee, gardening, reading, writing, and connecting with other people. I also love myself. Self-love and self-care is something I incorporate every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.
This year Valentine’s Day for me is about gratitude. Gratitude for all the love I am able to receive and give today. A bouquet of flowers has been on my desk for a week (purchased before the price hikes) and my best Valentine, Oliver is napping under my chair. I feel love all around me today and I am grateful.
If you want to learn more about cognitive reframing as a tool to manage negative thinking please contact me.
